A politician was very upbeat. He was on his first campaign and people seemed to be interested in his policies. In order to know what people thought of his speech, he went to an old lady and asked her if she would vote for him. She replies,
“You are only my second option”
Intrigued, the politician asks: “And who is the first option?”
“Just anybody else!!”, the old lady replies.
The coach of a cricket team wanted to encourage a substitute (batsman) who had not played a game for the last one year.
During a match, he asks,”‘If our team is in a position where they need six runs to win and only two balls remaining, what would you do?”
“I’d run to the commentators box and watch the match from there. The view is much better from over there!!”
A new maid servant says to the homemaker that she wants to leave the job. The homemaker had recently found out a few vegetables (taken from the fridge) in the maid’s bag and replaced them in the fridge. Not wanting to lose a servant (who was otherwise good),
She says, ‘It’s ok. Maybe you took the vegetables by mistake. Just don’t do it again”
To which, the maid servant replies, “No. I don’t want to work with people who steal back!!”
A politician wondered why people voted him out of the office, in spite of having passed so many laws. He asked his aide and the aide replied, “Maybe they want us to experience the consequences of the laws we just passed?!!”
A reporter wrote about a businesswoman in a newspaper and while criticizing her, he wrote that she was a ‘pig’. The businesswoman filed a defamatory case against him and won. Immediately after the judgment was given in the court,
He asks the judge, “Since it is clear that it is unlawful to address a businesswoman as a pig, I want to know if it is lawful to address a pig as a businesswoman?”
The Judge replies, “Yes, that should be fine”
He immediately turns towards her and says, “Hello businesswoman!!”
A lady approaches a lawyer firm to enquire if she has legal grounds for divorce.
One of the lawyer replies, “Are you married?”
She says, “Yes”
“Then you are perfectly qualified and possess full legal grounds!!”
After drinking heavily, a man calls the bartender.
“What is the biggest tip you have received till now?”
To which he replies, “500 Rupees”
“Now here, take 750 Rupees and tell everyone that I gave the biggest tip to you”
“One minute. Who gave that 500 Rupees to you?”
“It was you, when you visited last time!!”
A man accidentally dropped a five rupee coin in a barrel full of muddy water. He was not able to locate it even after trying for sometime. Another person sees this and offers to help. He locates the five rupee coin in just five seconds. Amazed by his skill, the man asks,
“How did you recover the money so fast? What do you do?”
“Oh, I work in the Income Tax recovery department!!”
A colleague was frequently buying second-hand bikes. But he did not seem to have any trouble with them. People at the office were perplexed, especially since he did not know the technical aspects about bikes.
One of his colleagues approached him and asked, “How do you manage to identify and buy the right bike every time?”
“Oh that, I just request for a test ride and take it to another second-hand dealer. There I say that I want to sell the bike. They examine the bike for a few minutes and tell me everything wrong with it!!”
People were perplexed to find a book in a bookstore titled, “An unbiased history of the second world war from the Allied point of view!!”