The EXCITING life of a new Husband

784px-Esposas_de_Matrimonio_1This image is published under this creative commons license.

I am being unfair by leaving out the old husbands. So, I guess these excitements are very much applicable for old husbands, as well. I don’t want to be partial in my blog.

Like how every woman has to play various roles like daughter, wife and mother, every man has to play various vital roles. But these exciting roles are available to them only post marriage. While the list is very big, let us have a look at an ultra-condensed list, below.

Trip organizer

Organizing trips is no joke. It takes special skills, time and efforts. Obviously, new husbands need to be proficient in this essential art form. You may disagree, but all mundane and uninteresting choices like choice of place(s), duration of travel, what to do during a vacation, who are going, etc are already decided for you. You are however left with the exciting job of booking tickets, booking rooms, negotiating with travel agencies and all such intensely awesome things.

The expectations are not very high – You may just be required to book a trip to Ooty/Darjeeling in the peak season of May that includes sight-seeing package in a luxury sedan and a luxury villa with sea-facing balcony (?!) along with mountains and valleys thrown in on either side. Of course, in budget prices.

Shopping bag carrier

Carrying shopping bags is an art-cum-exercise. Art, because you need to figure out how to carry many bulky packages with just two hands (One finger carrying one bag still leaves you with an option of carrying just ten bags!). And yes. You don’t need to separately enroll in the gym for weightlifting. Saves a lot of money, that way.

The Driver

You are not any driver. You are THE driver. That emphasizes the importance of this role. After all, so many lives inside the car and in the immediate vicinity is now in your hands! Don’t let the pressure of this responsibility crumble you. You need to be calm headed, make thousand excuses to skip that (useless) client meeting in the office because you are already late for shopping and you need to handle the intense competition of parking your car at busy markets. This is not for the faint hearted, mind you. It’s extremely important to travel at least 25 KM (one way) to find that right design, right pattern and matching colours.

Rant Listener

In the office, you may have to listen to the rants of your boss, customers, partners, etc. But nothing beats the rant you need to listen to, after you reach home. If you are able to be patient through the later session, the former is nothing. In a way, it’s like a free coaching class to make you more patient in life and improve your listening skills. Just feel lucky that no one has charged you for the energy they spend shouting at you (yet).

Weighing machine

Listen to this carefully. When someone asks you, ‘Am I looking fat?’, and that happens to be your wife, reply ‘Definitely Not’ within the next 1 millisecond. If there is a delay of another millisecond or if you ask her to stand on the weighing machine so that you can measure the weight and give a logical answer to a logical-sounding question supported by facts, numbers and thesis, well… what can I say?. Try it once (at your own risk), and that’ll ensure sub-latencies of less than 1 millisecond from the next time.

You may think that since this post is posted under the ‘Humor’ category, it’s a humorous one. Actually, it’s very serious. Yes! 🙂

Destination Infinity

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21 Replies to “The EXCITING life of a new Husband”

  1. At my home I am trip organizer..we use shopping carts to carry bags, and seriously who are these women who ask their husbands “am I looking fat?” I mean we all have mirrors and weight machines at home!! its the most illogical joke!

  2. Ask a woman and she will come up with an equally long list of exciting things. But seriously, this was one funny post that one can see happening around 🙂

  3. hey nice pic Rajesh ..

    loved the post and i can very easily correlate to all the points now after one year of marriage 😛

    you say it serious but i found this post quite humorous and interesting !

  4. I have to disagree with you on three counts, and I do that quite cheerfully! 😀

    In my case, I was the one who took the initiative for planning the honeymoon. I was also the designated driver since I am a more experienced driver than my husband (he knows 2 wheelers but is not so fluent with 4 wheelers). As for the weighing machine bit, hubby dear was on the healthier side than me and I had to be sensitive around him, encourage him to go to the gym, and without hurting his feelings.

    But I do agree he was (and is) the shopping bag carrier! 😀 Welcome relief!
    As for the rant listening, it works both ways….he rants a bit, then I do, and then him and then me…you get the point!

    1. ‘Healthier side’ is a nice way to put it 😀 . There are always exceptions (situations) … 🙂

      Destination Infinity

  5. Nice list Rajesh..I guess the chores that a husband has to do, especially the new husband, can be limitless actually. I can tell you what I make my husband do: go to the market, carry water from the market, carry anything heavier than my bag, talk to people I don’t care to talk to and the list goes on… But at our wedding his only chore was to show up.

    1. I don’t know what gave you that impression?! BTW, technically its ‘unsettling’ not ‘settling down’ 🙂

      Destination Infinity

  6. You know a little secret DI? Men are not great in organising a trip! They sothapify so much! Well..face the reality. It’s only the women who plan, choose, and do everything about trips / annual holidays.
    Loved this post! Ha ha..good to see the responsibility document of the husbands! In my house, my husband is the dishwasher too 🙂

  7. And yes…I have started asking S the same question – am I looking fat? I ask him to carry me and tell me if I weigh a lot or just normal! Torturous wife that I am!!

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