This is a work of fiction.
Edited to add: “Spoon feeding on the long run teaches you nothing but the shape of the spoon”
“You might be sceptical about admitting your children in the new engineering college that we have just started. That’s why, I, the chairman of this new college, have come down personally to tell you why you ought to. We have got a ten minute slot to speak about our college in this career counselling exhibition and I assure you – that’s all we want!
This is not just another engineering college. This is a unique model of education being introduced for the first time and this model offers the highest degree of flexibility.
We don’t take donations. We are against that concept. But we do take a special fees which is only required for the various developmental activities of your children. So, next time when someone asks you how much donation you paid to join your ward in the engineering college, you can proudly say ‘we didn’t pay anything’.
Once your wards join our prestigious institution, you don’t have to worry at all. Everything is arranged. Everything.
If you ask any alumni of any university affiliated institution, the first thing they would say is that the syllabus is hopelessly out of date. And it has no connection to the industry requirements, whatsoever. Secondly, they would also tell you that they are not applying even 1% of what they learnt in colleges in their work environment. They are correct. We don’t refuse it. In fact, we can tell you that they could have memorized a thousand equations and its derivatives without knowing why. Even the syllabus offered by the university that this college is affiliated to, is hopeless!
That’s why we bring to you an innovative methodology – We do not allocate classes to the students but we allocate classes to the teachers in their chosen specialization. Your children could choose any subject that they might be interested in – Don’t worry there is always a software job! We also include classes on a variety of interesting activities like painting, games, astronomy, blogging etc. and the students can spend their time usefully learning something that they might be interested in and find amusing. They need not come to the college at all, if they don’t want to. It is just enough if a certain amount of special fees are paid in compensation. But we don’t see that happening – we’ll make the college a cool place to hang out!
Our system of evaluation of marks is even more impressive. We have a back end arrangement with the university staff to secure the future of your children, of course, for a special fee. We have a bidding system in place in our college. The university staff have allocated certain range of marks for every subject and all the students get an equal chance to bid for the highest range. Who ever bids the highest amount will get the highest slot. As simple as that! And don’t worry – we will ensure that the marks never go below 75% if a certain amount of special fees is paid in advance. So now, obtaining more marks is in your hands – literally! Imagine how much money you will save by not sending your childern to tutions!
Don’t be astonished already. Now we come to the most important part – the placements. We have an MOU with five software companies already, and more are expected in the future, where they have assured us that all the staff will be recruited from our college. Of course, we have a profit sharing agreement with them which in turn will be collected from you by the – you would have guessed already – special fees. We can assure you that your investment is totally worth it and we can even prove it using our ROI(Return on investment) calculator. You can get back the amount you invested in approximately 4 years, even if you go through the placements that we offer!
So by now it should be obvious that we have a win-win situation for everyone. The students are happy, so are the parents, and of course the college management.
Now it is your turn to speak – Why would you not want to join your wards in our innovative college which would secure their future?”
You could visit the ‘Quotations and Humour’ section of this blog for more articles like this.